The Problem with Problematique

Year after year it feels like there’s a nonstop barrage of Drag Race content waiting to be consumed. As a fully certified homosexual, this is the kind of content I enjoy! It’s a show that brings queerness to the forefront and allows gay people to find each other even in the most desolate towns. It brings entertainment and joy to the masses and makes drag queens mainstream, especially in a time when the art form is being rebranded as preying on children. I think it’s doing a lot of good, and that’s good. Right?

Then I remember that time when RuPaul said that she would ban transgender women from competing and compared it to performance-enhancing drugs. Can I still watch this?

Okay, fine. How about we listen to some music? My favourite song making the TikTok sound rounds right now is GloRilla - Whatchu Kno About Me ft. Sexyy Red. When she says, “Bitch I’m from Memphis, whatchu know about me? Big G-L-O in the G-L-E (eugh eugh),” that ad-lib scratches the most satisfying and deepest parts of my brain that I want to repeat until I reach my deathbed. So if I hear this song playing at the club and Sexyy Red asks me to shake my ass for her, hell yeah I’m gonna make this ground quake!

But then remember that time when Sexyy Red endorsed Trump? Do I just stand in the middle of the dancefloor in protest? What now?

Are the symbols of our culture truly greater than the sum of its parts? Are our creators defined by one action that just so happened to be publicized and now we restrict them from growing and maturing? Is it possible to separate art from the artist? Ultimately, the question I keep asking myself is how do I consume the stuff that I want responsibly?

I get that people are allowed to grow. We all make mistakes and one mistake is not indicative of a person’s character. Since making her transphobic statement, RuPaul has changed her stance on allowing trans contestants on the show. Sexyy Red voted for Kamala Harris. These are full 180s in their stances, and we love to see growth here. But what if they never did make that change like how most of our faves are? What then?

I think separating art from the artist is a nuanced thought path and can’t be easily answered with a yes or naur. Pablo Picasso, arguably a very talented and successful artist, was also a known abuser. Does that diminish the wonder and awe I feel when I look at The Old Guitarist? I don’t think so. I feel that I’m appreciating the art without condoning the violence he committed on women. I love the picture and the way it makes me feel. I don’t love how he would put out a cigarette on a woman’s cheek.

I want to go even further than just consuming art. Let’s talk sex. I am a sex educator after all, and sex and art go hand in hand.

There was a man in my life named Sam. Notice the use of the past tense. Sam and I were lovers. We would have sex for hours on end and just let the day pass us by without looking at the clock. We would fuck from sunrise to sundown and bask in the glow of our freshly fucked bodies covered in sweat and cum. We would take breaks only to drink water, go to the bathroom, or pick up our Uber Eats from the door then resume fucking. Needless to say that Sam was one of the best I’ve ever had.

One day, I came to Sam’s house to find him watching TV, nodding his head in agreement to whatever was on the screen and staring intently. Naturally, I was curious. I walk closer only to find him watching Fox News. He then goes on to say that Fox News is the only news source he trusts because of how accurate their reporting is. I was in shock. I did not know that his politics were aligned like this. And yes, I am not aligned with his politics. That said, we still had sex. We had sex while it was still on. We had sex even if Sam, a Latino, said that “reverse racism” is a real thing.

We’re no longer friends for private reasons but know that we did not part ways because of our differences in politics. I look back on my time with Sam with much reflection thinking to myself if my having sex with him was rewarding his poor way of thinking. Because I appreciated the way we made love, did that make his statement on reverse racism okay? I’m fucking his dick, not his politics, right? And if you’re wondering, yes, I still miss him. A lot. Sam, if you ever read this, please reach out because I want to reconnect. I know that deep down he’s a good and kind man despite being on the opposite end of the political spectrum. Or is my judgement being clouded by fond memories? Was what I did okay? I still don’t know how to answer that.

What becomes the line drawn in the sand that distinguishes problematic and fully cancelled? How much grace do we give a person so they can start to grow and we can start consuming them and their art guilt-free? And further than that, does cancelling become virtue signalling? Is my negative opinion and conscious divestment in the person and their content just me being holier than thou? I’m in no place to cancel someone considering my own sordid past.

But there has to be a line, right? Or is it more of a spectrum of problematic behaviours that we’re allowing? For example, I would feel comfortable listening to the album Graduation by Kanye West, a self-identified Nazi, but you wouldn’t ever catch me within a thousand miles of a copy of Mein Kampf. Why is one thing more detestable than the other? Why is the thought of being anywhere near that book so gut-wrenching, but I can listen to the music of a man adopting the same ideology?

On a scale of Taylor Swift to Amy Schumer, two white women that make me want to projectile vomit, I find myself leaning towards Taylor more than Amy. I hate Taylor’s brand of white feminism, but not as much as I hate Amy’s Zionism. And I think that comes down to my personal beliefs and what makes me feel most at peace with myself. I’m not saying I’m going to buy tickets to the Eras Tour, but if given the choice, I would rather do that than watch the wide-vagina comedian harp on about defending Israel.

So back to my original question: how do I consume the stuff that I want to consume responsibly? I think that depends on our values and what we believe in. Cancelling is not a thing and not actually possible. Problematic faves are called problematic faves for a reason. Allowing a person and their content in our lives should be treated with the same cautionary measures as we do with alcohol and other substances. Each person is going to have a different tolerance and that tolerance can change over time. We must become aware of what we consume, and the effects of that consumption, and constantly reevaluate what we partake in. We need to give ourselves the space to grow just like we give our problematic faves a chance to change. There’s no right or wrong answer. It’s just what feels right for you.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to watch reruns of The Cosby Show while drinking a Vanilla Bean Frappucino.