Quality vs. Quantity

I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be a good sexual partner. The act of sex can be a very validating thing especially when it’s done with someone who knows what they’re doing. In my experience, a good sexual partner knows how to ask and communicate, knows how to respect boundaries, and can almost telepathically know how to please me without me saying a word. Oh, and a huge donkey dick helps. And a face that hasn’t gone through a meat grinder. And what the hell, a thick wallet wouldn’t hurt.

But those skills don’t come naturally. Someone would have had to practice to get to a place where they know they’re a good sexual partner. They would have to do some trial and error and get feedback to improve. What I’m curious about is how someone can get to a place where they know how to fuck the living daylights out of me, whether it was done through multiple partners or from a few good rolls in the hay. Which yields a better fuck?

Quality

I’ve been on both sides of the coin regarding inexperience. I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend, and I’ve also been the perpetrator of making a straight man cum in a bumhole for the first time in his life. Both experiences were really positive! My boyfriend said he liked it when I made a lot of eye contact and enjoyed being so vocal. When I was an escort and I became a straight man’s first same-sex experience, I enjoyed how much pressure and force he applied to his thrusting. He was pretty good for someone who had sex with a guy for the first time. I hope he reads this one day and knows that I’m available if he wants to keep practising.

Both of these encounters were great and involved someone who did not have much experience, and they’re quite memorable. But what exactly made it so memorable and great despite the lack of experience? There was the connection, communication, a union of the minds (and genitals), and there was a mutual desire to want to pleasure each other. The sex was great and not because of the number of partners we had before that moment. It was great because it was connected.

Quantity

I can’t even begin to count the number of sexual partners I’ve had in my life. I used to keep track of it all using Google Sheets, but I think after I reached row 3000, it was starting to get a little bit ridiculous. Every single partner I’ve ever had has taught me something different about sex. And every single partner I’ve ever had has introduced me to a new experience. With every guy I fuck, I’m not just fucking them. I’m fucking everything that came before them; their story, their emotional baggage, their happiness, their frustrations. When we come together for sex, our sexuality is shaped by our experiences and key moments in life.

I have been fortunate enough to have been introduced to so many different experiences complemented with different strains of hepatitis. With each successive partner, I have been able to slowly improve my sexual skills through empathy, communication, and just knowing how to use my holes in different and impressive ways. I really owe it to the number of experiences I’ve had that make me a good sexual partner. And I only say good because that’s what everyone I’ve ever fucked has told me.

I once hooked up with a guy with a big dick and a handsome face, but Jesus fucking Christ, he did not know how to fuck at all. He fucked like a jack hammer and when it came to kissing, I was suffocating from how much tongue he force fed in to my throat. It doesn’t matter if you’re slinging pipe and you’ve got a jawline that could slice paper. A big dick and a pretty face do not a great sexual partner make.

Quality and Quantity

There are a few times where I’m genuinly impressed with how well someone fucks, and 90% of those times those were from other sex workers. They’re good at what they do, and they’ve done it many times. If you’ve been following my podcast and my musings for a while, you know that escorts don’t just have sex all the time for work. Most of the time they’re providing companionship and fulfilling an emotional void. There’s that connection we crave. Other times clients just wanna get fucked. There’s that other void that needs to be filled. So when a sex worker who has experience in both quality and quantity under their belt, you can bet your sweet ass that it’s going to be an amazing time.

As someone who was an escort in a past life, I have high standards when it comes to sex. I will admit that my standards used to be so low that I slept with a guy who owned an air mattress. Never again. But as time passed, I know what I like and what I deserve. When I want someone who has both experience and skill, I will always go for an escort. I can rely on them to deliver every single time.

To be fair, escorts are like any other employee that I would hire. Not every employee is going to hit the mark. Does that mean they’re bad? No, it just means we’re not compatible. So does that mean that having multiple partners in the past and arming you with experiences lead to better quality sex? Not necessarily. I think quality and quantity, while two separate things, are not mutually exclusive. I think these are two elements that can grow in parallel to each other. You don’t really need to have fucked so many guys to get good, although it would help. You also don’t need to fuck many guys to find good sex. Sometimes you can find the best sex with the same guy over and over again. At the end of the day, the search for good sex and what it means to be a good sexual partner comes down to what you find pleasurable and enjoyable. Not every cock is meant to fit every hole, and that’s okay! Everyone’s definition of good sex is going to be different. As it should be! If we all had the same rubric for grading sex, nobody would ever get the chance to pass. It’s up to us to find those experiences that match our style and our skill level. And if that skill level involves a huge donkey dick, give me a call.