Are Rebounds Okay?
Kumusta Tita,
I just broke it off with my boyfriend of 5+ years due to us growing apart emotionally and literally. I couldn’t keep up a long distance relationship. Now that we’re no longer together, I find myself in bouts of depression mourning the loss of someone I still love. However, I have never been this horny in my entire life.
When I say I am horny, I mean I’m having sex with a different guy almost every day. There are even days when I have multiple guys over at my apartment throughout the day like a revolving door. Now that I’m in my slut era, I have been meeting a lot more men than I was when I was in a relationship. There is one guy that I’ve met that I started to develop feelings for. I think he also has some feelings for me? I don’t want to jump in to another relationship right away, but I also don’t want to lose him as a friend. The sex is great, and I really value his company, and maybe someday it could develop in to something, but I know that I’m not ready to jump in to a new relationship so soon. If he does have feelings for me and I tell him that I’m not ready, I don’t want to lose him as a friend; that would destroy me.
What do you think, Tita? Is it okay for me to jump in to this rebound in order to save our friendship?
Signed,
Bouncing Around
Hey Bouncing,
Congratulations on coming in to your slut era. It’s great here! I’ll show you around, and your slut card will be in the mail in 2 - 3 business days.
I’m sorry to hear that things with your beau did not work out. But really who needs men? You literally have so many guys at your disposal. They’re all the same type of bad news. But as long as you’re having fun, why not keep it up?
I’m glad that you’re coming to me asking me for advice on rebounds as I am the queen of them. If I ever played a sport I’m pretty sure having a lot of that would be a good thing, right? I’ve literally never seen a basketball game. But don’t I get some credit for at least getting the sport correct?
Rebounds have a lot of stigma attached to it, BA. For the one doing the rebound, you can be seen as heartless because of the optics of “moving on too quickly” giving people the impression that you never truly loved your then-boyfriend to begin with. Which begs the question: when can you jump in a new relationship for it to not be considered a rebound? I’m literally over a guy post-breakup within 2 weeks, and then I’m seen as the bad one when I want to get over him by going down on a new one. Double standards much!
There’s also this preconceived notion that rebounds are meant to make your ex jealous. Now while that may be the case for some, it’s not always for others. However, I do love to encourage really toxic and vengeful behaviors. So if you’re hopping from one guy to another and soft launching them on your Instagram stories for the sole purpose of seeing your ex fume with envy, I highly support it.
I’m about to say something that’s gonna get me in trouble. But when has that ever stopped me? So here’s my opinion: I think rebounds are great!
Whoa, okay, Tita, reel it back in. Can you explain?
Being broken up or doing the breaking up really sucks, right, BA? It’s shit, nobody wants to do it, and we wouldn’t wish it upon our worst enemy. But here’s the thing about rebounds in the context of a break up. They can help fill a need that’s missing at the current moment.
At the end of a relationship, all our happy chemicals go down while our stress chemicals spike up. We ruminate on the possibility that we’ll be single forever and nobody will ever love us. And because we’re so stressed, our instinct is to find immediate relief even if there’s no actual danger. Some people find that relief at the bottom of a bottle or end of a powdered line on a mirror, and some find relief in a stranger’s bedroom. This is why I don’t fault anyone for going for a rebound. Because I’ve been there too.
I have only ever been in three serious relationships and for each one, I was the dumpee never the dumper. What did I do? I would find a guy to fuck me raw just so I can remember the feeling of a warm body holding me. The pain of the break up was too much for me to handle alone that I needed a stranger’s cock in my ass to numb the pain. I even recorded myself in bed with these strangers and posted it to my stories purposely to show them to my exes and make them jealous. I wanted them to hurt as badly as they hurt me. I’m a vindictive cunt, BA. Sue me.
Now while this was fun and games to me, I was obviously not thinking clearly. I had horrible motivations for pursuing all these other connections. One guy wanted to date me, so I blocked him. Awful, I know. But I didn’t know how else to tell him that I was simply using him for his dick? I shouldn’t have done that, and you shouldn’t either, BA.
So to answer your question, I don’t think you should pursue a relationship with your friend simply for the sake of saving him for potential. From what you’re telling me, I gather that the breakup wound is still very fresh and you’re not thinking clearly here. If you really value his friendship, you wouldn’t want to make him your boyfriend. You would be using him to fill a void. Although, I don’t blame you for having voids that need filling. Make sure you’re in each others’ lives for the right reasons.
Sex is a right reason. Even exploring different relationships is a right reason. A wrong one would be to use him to fulfill some sort of need or heal a wound. He’s your friend, BA. Not your therapist. Pursue this connection with a clear mind and a clear heart, or risk losing him as a friend.
Or do what I do, and straight up tell him, “Hey I’m just using you to make my ex jealous. You okay with that?”
You’d be surprised as to how many gay men are amenable to that. But hey, at leas you’re honest!
Mahal Kita,
Tita Slut
