Race?!
Kumusta Tita Slut,
It’s one thing to be rejected because of your race, but it’s another thing when people try to pursue you because of it. Instead of people being physically attracted to me or the positive aspects of my personality, I’m being treated as nothing more than a curiosity or a goal or something to brag about to their friends. I’ve had a ton of people talk about how many Black people they’ve slept with before me as if I’m supposed to be impressed by it. They make sweeping generalizations about my personality and sexuality and I’m sometimes unknowingly forced in to that role. Due to all of that I tend to have trust issues with white folks in a sexual context since this treatment always came from them.
People wonder why I’m complaining about being desired which makes this hard to talk about. The thing is that I’m not even seen as a person; I’m just a dildo, a sex doll, a fetish. Worst of all, I’m not even a part of that conversation. All those assumptions were made hours, days, or even years before talking to me, so I’m forced to read between the lines just to be treated as a human.
I don’t know if I’m actually looking for advice. Maybe I just wanted someone to rant to and provide some insight on how I can get over this. Love your work, Tita.
Warmly,
Mad in Black
Hey MB,
Let me first say thank you by sharing your vulnerability with me. It takes a lot of courage to write your feelings out especially to a bitch like me. Now let’s get to the juice.
Wh*te people are insane, aren’t they? Do they hate us for our skin or do they love us? Although I’m not Black I face an overwhelming amount of racism and fetishization as a person of colour, so I know where you’re coming from. From the hwhytes as well. It’s like, dude, just call me hot without bringing my race in to it. I’ve been on the receiving end of “compliments” such as “You’re hot for an Asian,” or “I heard Asians are good at bottoming,” or “Chinese people are so fuckable.” Like babe, I can just be hot without the racism thank you. Also, I’m Filipino. If you’re gonna be racist, be correct about it. And yes, I happen to be an amazing bottom, but it’s not because I’m Asian. It’s because I do my stretches, eat my greens, and use lots of lube like a good bottom.
Fetishization hurts. I understand race play and how hot it can be, but that’s because there’s consent. Fetishization happens to us without our consent. We’re being reduced to the colour of our skin as the main reason we’re fuckable. They should want to fuck us because we’re good and the streets talk! So to be reduced to the amount of melanin we got and to associate that with our sexual ability is, not only inaccurate, but also extremely damaging to our sexual health. What if one day I accidentally shat on his dick? What happens to the Asian stereotype now, huh!? I mean, I have done that before. It was my fault for having dairy products hours before the sex. But I’m still a good bottom! Shit notwithstanding.
I used to be anti-race-filter on the apps because I think that shit is divisive as fuck and really weird and enables us to circulate more fetishization. But stories like this are what make me second guess myself and think maybe we should have such filters so that we can find our people and avoid further sexual racism. It would make it so much easier to avoid these kinds of horrible interactions. But then again, why is it up to us BIPOC to teach white people to be comfortable and to treat us with decency? Like read a book or go to a museum or something. Unlearn your sexual racism and stop putting shit like “No Asians or Blacks” on your profile and stop defending it as a “preference” because it’s not. It’s flat out racist and weird and you know it.
I guess I don’t have any meaningful advice to give on this, MB. Sorry I can’t solve racism. All I can say is that I share in your pain. I share in your struggle to be treated as a person and not a sexual object with predefined settings like an on and off switch. The most I can tell you is what I have learned from experience. When I experience racism, I stop it in its tracks. If I encounter another white boy who tells me that he wants to fuck my tight Asian bottom, I tell him that he’s lost his chance because he had to bring my race in to this. Again, I’m a great bottom because I’m a good lay and not because I’m Asian. I have slept with a lot of Asian boys who suck at bottoming. Myth busted. The next time you see a profile with anything remotely racist, report it. If someone comes up to you and says something about your Black booty and it makes you uncomfortable, do not waste another breath because that will feed the attention they so desperately crave. Tell them it’s over and we can move on with our lives. It may not solve the bigger societal problem at large, but at least you can find a decent sexual partner another time who will treat you like a person and give you the sex you deserve. And if not, there’s always toys and sex workers.
Mahal kita,
Tita Slut
