Mixed Signals From A Sex Worker
Kumusta Tita Slut,
I’ve been seeing an escort for a little over a year now. I think we have a pretty good rapport about how our connection is established. I go to his place, I leave the money on the table, and we fuck for the whole session. This kind of arrangement is fine with me because the boundaries are set and clear, and our communication has been strictly for business arrangements.
The other day he texted me saying, “When can I see you again?” This is baffling because not once has he ever initiated a text. It’s always me texting him to book a session.
I replied back, “If you missed me so much, you could just say so ;)” just to be coy.
“You’re the best cock sucker in the whole city",” he says.
So I say, “Well if you wanna fuck for free, I can be there right away. But if you’re looking for me to hire you, it’s gonna have to wait.”
And I haven’t heard back from him.
What does this mean, Tita? Why did he text me that? I thought that our lines of communication were clearly established, and now I’m in my head nitpicking every detail of this small exchange. Can you help?
Signed,
Client Confidential
Hey Client,
Hmmm…
Okay, yeah. This is a little bit of a predicament that comes with a lot of questions.
First, let me say that as a former escort I have never contacted a client first especially if we haven’t established that kind of rapport. There are some clients who wanted me to text them first to make them feel like they were wanted, but the boundaries were clear cut. This guy sounds a little…I wanna say…inexperienced?
I don’t know how long your escort has been a sex worker, but that’s definitely not something we normally do unless we have permission. The main reason we don’t do this is to avoid situations and confusing vibes like what you’re going through now.
You probably have a lot of questions like, “Does he like me? Is he genuinely interested in making a connection outside of our arrangement? If we do hook up am I gonna have to pay? Is he just contacting me because he’s looking for work? Does that mean he sees me only as a source of income and not a person? Does he only like me for my money and not my companionship?”
If any of these questions sound familiar to you and it’s quite surprising that I repeated your own thoughts to you word for word, that’s because I’ve experienced them too. As someone who hires escorts regularly, this has happened once or twice where I get a wayward message out of the blue where the escort asks me when we’re meeting up again. The problem with this, especially in a society that frowns upon sex work in this way, is that it seems like escorts are desperate. Almost as if they’re begging on their knees with a carboard sign saying “Will fuck for money.” So we refrain from initiating conversations and wait for the client to reach out to us because this is almost like solicitation, which is illegal in most of the Western world.
Now, I could be wrong in saying this, but I’m speaking from experience. He is not interested in having sex with you for free. When escorts reach out to clients wondering when they plan on booking them again, it’s an effort to secure a job. They might be interested in getting to know you outside of a session, but the foundation of business rapport is already there. So any interaction between client and escort has the expectation of a transaction.
Sex work is an interesting field because so much of the work has to do with emotions. And where are emotions coming from? The brain. Also known as the biggest sexual organ in the human body. We use our brains to fuck and to work. Business and pleasure can overlap, but it’s important to know where one ends and the other begins.
It sounds like you’ve made it clear to him that there’s some sort of payment expected should you have sex with him even if the word “session” was not explicitly said. Him messaging you first could feel like a disruption of boundaries, so it’s important to restate what those are. He’s human after all. Cut him some slack.
It’s so easy to idealize the sex workers we hire because of the dopamine and oxytocin our brains produce. It makes us do weird shit like cuddle, and feel shit like love. That’s a job well done on their part if you’re coming out of the session satisfied. But I hope that you both know that those feelings are meant to stay within session and not seep in to your personal lives.
Anyways, let me know if you don’t wanna hire him any more. I have some things that need moving.
Mahal kita,
Tita Slut
