Am I an Elitist Asshole?
Kumusta Tita,
I used to be a very underweight, acne-ridden, thick-glasses nerd. Much later in life I hired a personal trainer, took Accutane, and got LASIK. It was an amazing journey, but honestly, post-glow-up, I actually get harassed more than I ever did when I was a textbook nerd, and mostly from the gay community.
Now, if I politely decline a DM or Grindr flirt, suddenly I’m the elitist asshole. Sometimes I choose not to respond because writing the same rejection twenty times isn’t fun. I've gotten rumours that I'm an elitist douche, started by people I've never talked to, and when I confronted the first person who started the rumour, it turned out they just “assumed” I would never like someone like them. They never tried to approach me and just started the rumour.
I wish I could say: that I am not a blank template for all of your insecurities and assumptions from popular media. I am still an introverted gamer nerd. I'm aloof because I still get socially awkward and avoid people, not because I'm holding out for 'hotter' types. I still have weak spots for slender geeks and thicker daddies, and I am open to everything in between. I did not “lose my personality and everything that makes me special” when I gained muscle and cleared my skin — getting that anonymous message a few years ago hurt. It's easy to hate someone you see as being above you, but in truth, I am just as insecure as everyone else.
Is there a way to stop these rumours from spreading? Or at the very least, stop looking like a jerk?
Sincerely,
Elitist Asshole
Hey EA,
As a fellow uggo-turned-hottie, I know exactly what you’re feeling.
Okay, maybe not the uggo part. I’ve always been hot. The gay community at large just never learned to appreciate someone, well, large. Women and gays are upheld to different standards of beauty, and this is such an age-old discussion that we’re tired of hearing. I’ll save you the apple box rant. Yes, we are all superficial, and yes, we are all guilty of perpetuating that stereotype. Let’s be real. We go to the gym and hire personal trainers not to get healthy, but because we want someone who looks like a personal trainer to fuck someone who looks like he hires a personal trainer. Is this elitist? I don’t think so.
Here’s an unpopular opinion. Wanting to have sex with someone physically attractive is not elitist. But rather I think it taps into something a little more primitive which is our survival instinct. We want to mate with a potential partner who could produce the healthiest progeny to continue our bloodline. Which is contrary to my personal belief that I’ll fuck anything with a pulse. So if you’re reading this and thinking that you’re excluded from primitive instincts, think again. But in the gay world, procreation is out of the equation. What then does wanting to have sex with the hottest guy in the club have to do with anything? One word: validation.
“Elitism” is just a buzzword in the gay community for “I don’t think I’m hot enough for him to fuck, so instead, I’m going to project my own insecurities and tear this motherfucker down. That way he seems unfuckable. If I can’t fuck him, nobody can.” But instead of working through our own emotions and jealousy, we just call him an elitist. Gays are constantly invalidated by society, by families, and especially by other gays. Validation is our mortgage with surface-level looks being our currency and sex is the bank taking their monthly payment from your account. If we are hot and someone thinks we’re hot enough to fuck, then we’re a good gay.
I know I said I would save you my apple box rant, but I did anyway. Sue me. I needed to make a point.
What you’re going through is so — and I promise I’m not trying to be mean here, EA. I just don’t know how else to say it. — unoriginal. Everyone goes through insecurities, name-calling and, rumours spreading. This is not to minimize what you’re feeling. It sucks when something is being perpetuated about you that is completely untrue. For years I had to control a rumour about me sporting a big dump truck of an ass when, in reality, I was sporting more of a sedan of an ass. Did I succeed in sequestering that rumour? Apparently not, because now everyone is saying it and is asking for hole pics. In fact, it got so out of hand that I kind of just went along with it only to let people discover for themselves and be disappointed. And that’s what I think you need to do too, EA. Let people believe in whatever they want and find out the truth if they want to.
We spend so much of our time caring about what other people think that we forget to just exist. You’ve done a lot of work on yourself and you should be proud of that! And now people are treating you differently because of your glow-up? Let them! Guess what? Now you’ve got haters. And haters are just fans who have you living in their heads rent-free. There is so much in this life that we can control, and other people’s thoughts are not one of them. You can control how much muscle you gain or how much to take care of your skin, but you cannot control what someone thinks of you.
I’m glad that you confronted the guy who started that rumour because not many people are that ballsy. Did you guys end up fucking? That would be a great enemies-to-lovers story if you did. But I’d like to hear how he reacted when he discovered how wrong he is. You sound like a genuinely sweet guy, EA, and I don’t think you’re an elitist asshole. Not because you said you’ll fuck geeks and daddies and everything in between. Because that’s very much giving, “I’m not racist. I have a Black friend.” But you’re not an elitist asshole because you sound like you exhibit a quality that most elitist assholes lack: compassion.
Continue to spread kindness and show compassion, EA. Your muscles and clear skin may keep you looking like a jerk, but at least you know that you’re not heartless. Also, send me a pic? I’m trying to see something.
Mahal kita,
Tita Slut
