Putting Myself Out There
This year, I made an intention for myself to connect with more men to date for sexual and romantic purposes. Sorry, if you wanna be my friend, but I have had enough of those. I’ve been trying out this new thing called “going out”, and it’s insane. To connect with other guys outside of the apps is such a foreign concept to me.
If you aren’t already aware, I’m part of Toronto’s new queer dance party called Strangers. At this party, I’m one of the featured strippers. Being a stripper is interesting because there’s a certain level of consent that becomes a grey area. After all, I get to show people how much I want them to see and give certain levels of physical contact while at the same time remaining professional, whatever that means in the context of sex work. That said, I ended up hooking up with the DJ.
Meeting someone organically, and in a club setting no less, is familiar yet strange. There’s a sexual overtone that hangs in the air, but it’s not overt like a bath house. His name is Frank, and I rigged a twerk competition where the winner gets a lap dance from me. Frank, being the white boy that he is, was ever the tight-hipped dancer with no chance of actually winning. But because I’m a thirsty lad, I announced him as the winner, and I gave him a lap dance in front of the entire venue. Everyone seemed to enjoy my lap dance, with Frank enjoying it the most. As the night went on, we met at the bar and talked and made out. We made plans to set up an actual date after the party, and I had butterflies in my stomach. Who knew that putting myself out there would get me a real date?!
Fast forward to a week after the party, we had lunch. We had a beautiful conversation about dating goals and desires and the capacity of our hearts for types of connections. I walked him home, where we made out on his front porch for a few minutes, and we parted ways.
A few days passed, and he said how he was sorry for giving me the wrong impression. I’m here like, what exactly was the impression I was supposed to take away from making out? He said he thinks it’s a nice way to say hi to people and that he was also high on mushrooms when we met. He hopes to see me out and about and keep our interactions to the club setting for now.
Of course, I’m disappointed. I had a certain level of emotional investment and excited to see if it would develop into a relationship or maybe even a fuck buddy situation. It’s frustrating that it turned out this way, but I’m glad that I put myself out there because I’m realizing things about myself and what to look out for in men and being more clear in what my dating goals are. I’m still learning to be on the lookout for those red flags and what they look like to me. I’m still working on being a vocal advocate for my needs and desires, and my goals. I also realize how much of an emotional investment I put into new connections, especially ones made outside the apps.
Was Frank in the wrong for making me think he was interested? Yes. Making out has connotations to it. Even when you’re high, you have a certain level of responsibility for your actions. Was I in the wrong for entertaining a possible romantic connection? No. But I did learn to be on the lookout for these kinds of childish behaviours and to be more cognizant of what I consider to be red flags.
Going on a date with someone I met in real life has made me more confident and sure of myself. After that date, I started going to more social gatherings and changing the way I interacted with men on the apps. In just one month, I have managed to schedule five dates with different men with varying intentions. Some want to explore a romantic connection while others are going to be for sex.
Putting myself out there means being open to all the possibilities that can result from connecting with other men, but that also includes disappointment and frustration. Dating with intention is a game changer. You weed out the people who will waste your time while also going on a path of self-discovery as you see what kind of people you are incompatible with. Dating takes practice, and it can be a little tiresome. I’ve put a limit on five dates a month because that’s what I can handle, or else it will be exhausting and no longer fun. Date within your limit and date without doubting yourself. People love to see that confidence shine through you, and who knows? It might even get you laid.
