No More Pride
“Homo sapiens are the only species in all of nature that responds with hate to homosexuality.”
I hate Pride. There. I said it. Fuck Pride. Fuck all that it stands for. Fuck your rainbow. Fuck your festivals. Fuck your parties. Fuck your depravity in the streets. Fuck your “love is love” nonsense. Fuck it all.
Whoa there, Tim. Are you serious? Aren’t you gay?
Yes, I’m serious. Yes, I’m gay. I’m allowed to hate Pride. I absolutely despise it. Fuck it. Call me a homophobe for all I care. I hate it all.
Why do I hate it so much? Well sit down, sweety, and get ready.
Let me be clear: I don’t actually hate pride. I hate Pride with a capital P. Being gay is one of the greatest things to have ever happened to me as it has opened so many doors and holes for me. The culture, the new media, and the community that we’ve built are just some of the things that make me proud to be a gay man. I love that I have the privilege to live in a society that allows me to fuck whoever I want whenever I want. I love that I get the opportunity to create a chosen family for myself with my fellow gays. I adore that every single gay person out there is always hot for some reason, as if we were all created in God’s favourite rainbow lab where he mixes glitter and Cher songs and poppers and throws caution to the wind in order to make the beautiful masterpiece that is the homosexual. I love that I get to be gay 365 days a year.
But that’s the thing.
I have to be gay 365 days a year.
If you have the sweet, sweet ignorance of living under a rock and not picking up a history book, then allow me to tell you that the original Pride was not a parade. It was a riot at the Stonewall Inn in New York, 1969. Police raided the titular gay bar because they’re a bunch of cock blockers. The devil does not wear Prada. She wears blue and a badge without the bodycam. This sparked a riot and a six-day long protest ignited and catalyzed the modern gay movement in North America and the world.
This is the Pride that I admire. The Pride that I look up to. Pride was a fight for equality and acceptance. A way to raise a middle finger to anyone that got in our way simply because they don’t know how to douche properly. Pride is activism. Pride fights for the underdog and the ones who dare say, “I’m goddamn awesome, and you don’t have to like it. But I’m awesome.”
I just feel that we have lost that sense of Pride. I feel that we are not fighting for equality anymore. The struggle to be treated like a human being has been lost to the clutches of capitalism. Every year, every June, I have to sit idly by and watch these big corporations and companies slap a rainbow on their logo and call themselves an “ally.” Then once July 1 hits it’s as if their allyship has left the building. Honestly, I would much rather be called a faggot than have you call yourself an ally. Your camaraderie is more fake than the fillers in my lips.
I have to be gay all year round because I am gay all year round. These big companies that paint a rainbow on their merchandise can be gay for only 30 days while I have to carry the burden of being alive and wondering whether or not some bro is gonna clock my square in the jaw all because I looked at him funny. Take it as a compliment, dude. I may be easy, but I am picky.
You don’t get to call yourself an ally. We are the ones who can give that title to you. Your are not allowed to do less than the bare minimum and collect your reward. And double goes for the white muscle gays who think that Pride is an excuse to be shitty to the untouchables at the circuit parties. Big corporations and vapid homos pay a lot of lip service to Pride for being a month of acceptance and love, but what is love without action? What even is the fucking point of calling yourself a proud ally or a proud gay when it only benefits yourself?
In a perfect world I would have every rainbow capitalist CEO and every intolerable white fag decapitated at the town square guillotine and mount their heads on pitchforks whilst the ululating populace hurls rancid ordure at their respectively rapidly aging heads and Botox-crammed skulls. Sadly this is not a perfect world.
In this imperfect world we continue to capitulate to the hands of the powers that be that call themselves a part of our team with their self-righteous aplomb and flamboyant theatrics year after year, over and over again, without fail. Yes, in this world, we it seems we have surrendered all sense of common decency for the sake of our wallets and see who has the biggest cock and tightest hole. I can almost certainly tell that our queer ancestors hang their heads in shame and roll in their graves if they can see what their legacy has left behind. But I refuse to go down without a fight.
I have made a promise to myself, the queers that came before me, and to the queers that will come after me that I will leave this space better than when I found it. Despite the partying, the drag shows, the socks with the word “L<3VE” embroidered on it, I will continue to show up for my people. I will be there helping prevent overdoses at the parties, I will be there to march with organizations who are fighting for good causes all year round, and I will be there for my fellow gays, both locally and globally, who struggle to find peace and meaning and acceptance in their lives. I refuse not to make any progress in the life that’s been given to me. Without the work of those before me, I wouldn’t have been able to score that hot finance bro from across the bar and convinced him to cheat on his wife for a night with me. Thanks, ancestors! And I want for the young gays to get the same chance that I have. To muster up the courage and grab life by the metaphorical balls and sleep with as many people as your heart and cock desire.
Go out and enjoy a party or two. Fine, buy that trademarked rainbow Balenciaga. Just remember that without the work of the ones before us, none of this would be possible. And don’t we want the same for the future of the gay kids who want to experience all the misogyny and fatphobia that Grindr has to offer?
Fuck Pride. Make it your own.
