Kumusta Tita Slut,

So I’m a little bit on the curvier side, and that’s fine with me. It’s taken me a while to get to the point of accepting my body, and I’m finally at a place where I’m okay with that. It has made my dating life a little more difficult though especially because the gays know how to make people with my body feel like complete shit, but thankfully I’ve found a guy who likes me for who I am.

The problem is that he’s in the closet and comes from a religious background. We make out a lot, I kiss him all over his body, and I even blow him to completion. I enjoy all of this including being a piggy bottom which includes anal. The problem is that he doesn’t like anal as much as I do. Don’t get me wrong, Tita. I understand that this is not everyone’s cup of tea, but I don’t get anything in return. He doesn’t want to fuck me on top of the fact that he doesn’t at least suck me back. It feels like I’m doing all the work and he’s getting all the reward.

I get that because he’s closeted and religious that he may not feel comfortable with specific sexual acts, but a girl has needs too, right?! I don’t want to scare him away if I ask him to do more with me, but my needs aren’t being met. What do I do?

Sincerely,

High and Dry

Hey High and Dry,

First of all, we big girls need to stick together. If there’s one thing I hate more than organized religion keeping me from shoving cock in my ass, it’s white twinks who think they’re on the top of the food chain. You fags need to get a life and quit this mean girl act and stay in your lane, Regina.

Secondly, I’m curious as to how you ask your partner for things that aren’t sexually related. Can you ask him to take out the garbage without going in to a panic attack? Are you able to ask him for help with the errands and not get scared that he’ll break up with you? Do some inner work first, sweetie. Since I’m getting only your side of the story, I’m going to have to ask you all the questions that you can then ask yourself.

Are you afraid of confrontation? If so, are you afraid because you’re going to lose or are you afraid because of how you will be perceived? Judging by what you wrote me, I’m willing to bet my fake left tit that it’s the latter. If it is the latter, then ask yourself why you’re so scared of how people will perceive you. Do you really care that much about what people think about you? If so, then why do you care so much?

What do these questions have to do with anal? If you can’t answer these very basic personality trait questions, then I don’t think you’re ready for a relationship let alone asking to get fucked in the poop chute. You first need to learn how to ask for what you want without fear of rejection or perception. I asked a bartender for his number and guess what? He gave it to me! Well, technically I stole it from another guy he gave it to because he turned me down, but I wasn’t scared! Be an advocate for yourself first, babes. Learn to ask for your own needs because in the pursuit of pleasure, it’s your pleasure that should always come first. And yes, you should always come first. But my point is that you have to be able to find ways to get your own needs met. Here’s a good resource from sex educator Reid Mihalko. He lays down the foundations of the difficult conversation and how it applies to sex and every other aspect of life. There’s strength in vulnerability and how you present your fears and insecurities in a way that doesn’t put the responsibility on the other person. Make your own pleasure, love, and get what you need. Which leads me to my next point…

What is it that you need in a relationship that you have to settle for someone that’s still in the closet? Sorry to be the bearer of obvious news, but closeted relationships will NEVER work out. You’re never going to have the sex that you want even if you advocate for yourself and use the difficult conversation formula if the other partner isn’t willing to meet you halfway. The hate and the shame that they have for themselves will always outweigh the love that you have for them. They’re not going to be brave enough to take you out on that dream date because they don’t want to be seen in public. They’re not going to marry you because they don’t want their family to know. Sorry (not sorry) to say this but you need to break up with him, boo. You deserve so much better! I remember when I asked my first husband to go skiing with me, but then he slipped fell off the ski lift and died. So I fucked our ski instructor. Because I deserve better than someone who doesn’t know how to put down the bar. And so do you!

I don’t want you to settle for closet cases like your religious nut of a boyfriend because you think this is the best that life has to offer. I understand that the gay dating scene can be difficult for fat people because gays don’t believe in eating. But who cares what they think! There’s such a thing as bears, right? There are people with the same body type as you who would love to stick their thick, juicy meat sticks inside your fuzzy peach. If the pursuit of pleasure includes anal and the desire for anal means you’re going to have to break up with him, then you know what you have to do. You’re a worthy person no matter what size or sexual activity you choose to engage in. You deserve only the best, and you shouldn’t settle for anything less.

Then again, you can always marry a rich sugar daddy and poison his ceviche until he croaks and you’re left with a multi-million dollar estate and it can’t be pinned on you. Not like I’m speaking from experience or whatever. But just a thought. Money can buy happiness!

Mahal kita,

Tita Slut