Kumusta Tita Slut,

I need to start this by saying that I don’t really date much. I’ve never actually had a steady boyfriend. I’m a slut just like you. I go around fucking one guy to the next, and I don’t have a problem with that. You know the gays. We’re always fucking anything with a pulse. It wasn’t until last year I met a special boy. We met online and I’ve never met a guy who shares the same interests as me who also happens to be good looking. And yes, tita. He has a big cock.

We have been seeing each other for a little over a year now. I did tell him that I’ve been fucking other guys, and he’s okay with it. But one day while we were out on a walk, he dropped the “L” word out of the blue. No, not lesbian. He told me he loves me. I’ve never had anyone tell me that with such honesty and sincerity. He told me no pressure to say it back, but I feel like there kind of is pressure.

Tita, I’m scared. I’m not even sure if I like the guy the way he likes me. I don’t want to come off cold, but also I don’t want to feel trapped or pressured.

What do I do?

Signed,

Gay-Ping Hole

Hi Hole,

First of all, I had a good laugh at your name. If that’s not a drag name, I’m stealing that.

Okay, on to business. My dear Hole, I feel you. I have been in the same situation that you were in. When I was young and dancing in the club to pay for school, this big burly man also had something enormous in his pants. Yes, it was his wallet. I was giving him a pretty good dance considering he tipped me $100 that night and he told me he loves me and he wants to take me home. I didn’t, of course. But I’m just saying that I can tell what it’s like being on the receiving end of the “L” word and not feeling it.

We have to look at why we feel pressured to say it. From experience, I think people place so much meaning over this word. The truth is love comes in all forms, and it doesn’t have to be that serious. We can love our dog, we can love our friends, we can love our vibrators. But that doesn’t mean I want to marry any of those things. Why should it be any different with a person we’re seeing? I have many lovers, but none of them are husband material. He’s not proposing, is he? Because if he is I better get an invite, and I will do your wedding planning for a special sluts only discount.

The first thing you need to do is ask yourself what does love look, sound, and feel like to you. You said that you’ve never had a steady boyfriend before, and that’s fine. But surely you have some form of love come in your life? This can’t be the first time you’ve had a gentleman caller come rapping at your chamber door. A big ol’ slut like you has surely rounded up the menses in your time. What resonates with you when you picture love? Is it romantic? Is it platonic? Is it looking at the countdown on the microwave get closer to zero? That’s completely up to you.

Next is you have to then ask yourself if you feel that love when you’re with Big Penis Boyfriend over there. What do you feel when you’re close to him? You said you’ve never been with another guy like him; maybe this is the universe telling you it’s time to shut your hole and make it monogamous? Maybe not? Only you can answer that. But you have to be honest with yourself, anak. New situations like this force us to look inwards and start to analyze our own needs and wants. And no, I’m not referring to looking in your hole pic.

Lastly, when you’re sure of how you feel and what you want, sit down with him and have a serious chat. If you’re not feeling the love that he has for you, you need to tell him. It’s not fair to both of you. You may love him, but not love love him, y’know? The dick may be good, but the heart is fragile. Trust me, mahal. That guy in the club I told you about? Yeah, he passed out because I made him cum from a lap dance. If the love is not on equal levels, both of you will need to do something about it or risk hurting each other the way Big Spender hurt himself. You can either split up or work on it. Do what’s best for both of you.

If, however, you find it in the deepest darkest depths of your huge rectum that you have some genuine feelings for the guy, then tell him! Let it out! Falling in love is such a wonderful thing. Maybe what’s holding you back from telling him is that you’re scared. This is new territory for you, I get it. Loving someone can be so scary. I fell in love with my 6th husband, but I was too scared to tell him because truth is I fell in love with his money. I still daydream of swimming in a large vault full of cash like Scrooge McDuck. Coincidentally, the word for “love” and “expensive” is the same thing in Tagalog. Take the plunge, Hole! Be open to love and all the risks and benefits that come with it. Give yourself enough love that another person is willing to fall in love with you the way you love yourself.

Love is messy, hijo. Truthfully, I don’t even know why you’re asking me since I’m not the love expert. I’m just butter on toast: I spread easily. Nobody knows how love works. What I do know is that I have lived the most memorable and happiest experiences because I was open to love. It was because I was open to giving and receiving love that I have so many lovers and I have been on so many great adventures. Love is great, love is scary, but most of all love is worth it. We all need a little bit of love. Give yourself some lovin’.

Yes, I meant masturbation too.

Mahal kita,

Tita Slut