Kumusta Tita Slut,

I don’t know if I’m gay. I sucked a stranger once who I met through social media, and I kind of liked it. But I didn’t let him fuck me yet. He said to me, “I loved it. I don’t believe that was your first time sucking cock.” Could I be bisexual? I think about his warm penis in my hand between my ass cheeks, and I like it when he compliments my huge ass. But I’m still thinking about girls.

There are times when I fantasize about sending him pictures of my cock and I want him to show it to strangers. I also want to record myself having sex so that I can watch it for later. I love the feeling of someone cumming because I made them. Sometimes I wonder if I should just get it over with and let him fuck me.

Am I gay, Tita? Any insight will help.

Best,

Confused and Questioning

Hey CaQ,

Yes. You gay, girl. Next question.

Mahal kita,

Tita Slut

P.S.

Just kidding. Girl, I don’t know! Sometimes I’m not even sure if I like men any more. Yeah, men are hot and gorgeous and are sometimes good at fucking and hitting the spot just right and I allow them to cum inside me like a dumpster, but when they talk and words come out of their mouth? Bye. Why did he have to ruin such a special moment like that with his opinions on Roe V. Wade? It made no sense to me, so I can understand why you would be confused.

So let’s break it down, shall we?

In the book Is My Husband Gay, Straight or Bi: A Guide for Women Concerned About Their Men by psychotherapist Dr. Joe Kort, he posits that, “To be a gay man, a man must have gay sexual fantasies and be drawn to get a sexual behaviours; demonstrate a gay erotic desire; have gay romantic hopes, dreams, and behaviours; and have a gay identity. Each of these four aspects involved a set of behaviours and needs. The gay man will be strongly and consistently gay in these for related but different ways.”

You liked sucking dick and you fantasized about him fucking you. Or at the very least, you want to have a same sex experience so you can get it over with. Can I tell you how many gay men I know that are literally nowhere close to that line of thinking? I know a bunch of gay men who even barf at the idea of having a cock near them. Again, I can understand why. That thing looks like an angry cobra with a homophobic agenda. But just because they don’t want to have sex with another man it does not detract from their gay identity. There are gay men called “sides” who don’t even think twice about penetration. Couldn’t be me, but respect to them.

My point is that you might still be straight even if you like messing around with other dudes even if the thing you’re doing looks gay. Because someone’s entire sexual identity isn’t rooted in what they want to do in bed. Because what feels good to you should be just that. Besides, how does something “look” gay? There are straight men I know of that love to get their guts rearranged by their girls. That’s called “pegging,” baby. So they’re taking it up the ass from their girlfriend who has a hard-on strap-on. Sounds gay? They’re still fucking with their girl. That doesn’t sound gay. You could do something gay and still be straight. You could dress up in drag and still be straight. Shout out to the first drag queen ever in herstory, Madeline Morphosis.

So how can you be straight and still do gay shit? Here’s another question: do you want to live with a man? Do you fantasize about building your life with another man? When you go to the beach, is the first thing you look for in a man how big his Speedo bulge is? I’m asking you if you experience gay desire. Do you want the gay lifestyle? Do you want to be with another man, or men, or hit up a gay bar and flirt with an eligible bachelor in the hopes that you will one day be his sugar baby? No? I mean, okay, damn, if you don’t want it I’ll take it. On a serious note, I don’t want any of that because I enjoy being free from drama. But just because I hate all that gay nonsense does not mean I’m not gay. I’m still a flaming homo and if anyone tries to change that, well good luck, Charlie. But what I’m trying to say is that your whole identity is not based on some fleeting thought you had at the beach or the spur of the moment like you had, Curious.

Dr. Kort goes on to list more things that could indicate you’re gay, so I’ll let him do the talking. Or rather, you buy his book and do the reading. I’ll restate what the good doctor said: you have to be strongly and consistently gay in those aspect of gayness. You can’t chalk up your whole sexual identity because of an experimental rendezvous. You see lots of women on TV who make out and battle it out in mud, and for some reason they’re still considered straight. Because we as a sOCiEtY have placed a double standard on sexual fluidity. Girls are allowed to have same-sex experiences because that’s hawt, dude. Boys aren’t allowed to have gay sex because that’s fag shit, bruh. I don’t understand why, and I don’t think I ever will. But that is just fucked up.

I’m not sure I have the proper advice to give you, Curious, because one person’s sexual journey is their own. Nobody can hold your hand and give you a rainbow seal of approval. You’ll have to do it like the rest of us did, and chug down a bottle of poppers in a sauna and see how long you can last before you have a heart attack.

If you’re just looking for my opinion, which is a gay biased one, then I think what you’re doing is fine. You’re not hurting anybody, are you? Then you’re good. Why should the girls get all the fun with experimenting while the guys get dust? That’s not feminism. If more straight men are willing to experiment with their sexuality, please hit me up in the DMs ;)

Besides if you do find out that you’re bi or gay, will that rock the very foundation of your existence? Is that really such a bad thing to find out? Throw caution to the wind and do what makes you happy. Walk that path that you create for yourself. Do shit that makes you feel pleasure. And last but not least, if you do find out that you’re gay, let me know. I got condoms and snacks because I’m not a regular Tita. I’m a cool Tita.