Kumusta Tita,

I bought Hogwarts Legacy after hesitating for quite a bit. It’s a great game, but I feel like it’ll be super hard now for me to find a good relationship if everyone boycotts this game and bullies everyone who has it. It’s really fucking up my mind and now I feel like I shouldn’t have bought it.

I grew up with Harry Potter, and it got me through some tough times. This game has been ten years in the making and I’ve been anticipating it for so long, but now I feel I dug myself into a hole. I feel like everyone is going to think I’m transphobic and that I support her which isn’t the truth at all. I’m starting to regret it after having it for two days.

Did I make the wrong decision here?

Signed,

Not A TERF

Hey NAT,

First, can I say how we as a generation have milked the absolute shit out of that franchise? Look, I get it. Millennials had this YA novel that showed them the wonders of magic and fantasy in a post 9/11 world when everything seemed so bleak. Then this little scar-faced weasel shows up in our shelves with talks of strength and friendship and love and yada yada yada. There are other things that we can indulge in besides Harry Potter! I’m just saying to give it a rest.

Alright, on to your problem. Let’s pump the brakes here, NAT. I’m pretty sure you didn’t wake up one day and decide to be transphobic, so it’s safe to assume you’re not. I’m also assuming you’re not since you’re writing to me, a very vocal homophobe. I understand the sentimental value that the franchise has on us. I use “us” because I also indulge in some HP every now and then through the LEGO video games. Escapism is what we use to get through some tough times. Whether it be sex, drugs, rock & roll, video games, or books, it’s totally fine whichever vice you prefer to get you waking up the next day.

This is where things get a little grey in morality. Did you ever watch The Good Place? If not, go ahead and do yourself a favor then come back to this column. In one episode, the Michael character does a sort of audit of humanity and sees just how difficult it has become for a person to be truly good. You bought flowers for your dying grandma? Aw, how nice! But did you know those flowers were grown in a garden that uses environmentally harmful pesticides? Bet you didn’t! And did you know that your grandma uses her spare time to make hardcover copies of Mein Kampf to redistribute to her knitting circle? Not so good now, are you?

The point I’m trying to make is that some things are not within your control. Indulging in your pleasures is in your control, but the people responsible for providing you with those pleasures is not. I’m a lazy bitch and I need things to be handed to me as quick as possible. Solution? Amazon. Do I like Jeff Bezos? I wish he would die in a rocket malfunction trip to Mars, but the guy gave me free shipping. I need medication to help me get through my day and to keep my doctor happy when he sees my blood results. The closest pharmacy to me? Walmart. And we all know how shitty that place can be towards its employees. We’ve seen the viral videos. Not great. I don’t support Walmart’s labor practices in the slightest, but I’ll be damned if I have to travel thirty minutes to another pharmacy to get my PrEP. A bitch needs to bareback ASAP.

I also wanna address something you brought up which is relationships. This is the problem with the “wokeness” Olympics. We’re all trying to get to the good place, but we do it in a way where we fight for a spot on the moral high ground. We start to belittle each other for things that we perceive as abhorrent. If someone is going to base their opinion of your entire character profile from sole fact that you bought Hogwarts Legacy, then somethings is seriously wrong with them. That’s a red flag and not the kind of hot-daddy-issues red flag. Someone trying to cancel you or drag you for buying the game needs to get themselves checked.

A lot of this conversation surrounding consumerism and economy and ethics lacks a lot of nuance. We’re so quick to pass judgment based on others simply because of some small thing they’ve done that doesn’t actually have any effect on the big picture. Did you know that I got dragged for sleeping with a conservative? His dick was huge and the sex was great! But I’m sucking his cock, not his politics. Then people had the audacity to say I’m empowering him and in sleeping with him I’m saying that his politics are okay. Get a grip. There are more bottoms than there are tops out there, so I’m going to take what I can get even if they’re on the opposite end of the political spectrum.

Whether it be sleeping with someone you despise because of their political agenda or taking part in a franchise whose creator has evidently been so cunty, it’s not a reflection of you. You are the only person that controls your narrative. You’ve already bought the game and you’re having fun, and you can also go to protests that help fight anti-trans legislation. Both of those things can be simultaneously true. Whoa, I know. New concept. I think we’re all trying to do the best we can here, and none of us actually have malicious intent. Yeah, we’re gonna fuck up every now and then, but that’s human, NAT. We do the thing, fuck up, learn from our mistakes, do better, then rinse and repeat.

I think you’re going to be fine, NAT. You’re not transphobic, just indulging in life’s simple pleasures. But from the videos I’ve seen, it seems like there’s a lot of bugs in that game that need working out. And honestly, the real crime here is not fixing all those kinks after ten years in the making. Get your shit together, Warner Bros.

Mahal kita,

Tita Slut